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I Tried to Outrun Peace — Then Life Grounded Me
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The Endless Chase for Relief
The faster you run from discomfort, the quicker it tends to catch us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sped through something in my life trying to escape the discomfort I was feeling, always thinking I could find peace and solace in the next moment … trying to outrun those uncomfortable feelings.
I thought that by changing something, doing a new task, meeting a new person, going to a new place, the pain would go away and I’d feel at peace. I’ll admit, for a brief moment, while the dopamine penetrated the brain and the novelty was still fresh, it worked …
Until it didn’t.
And it never lasted.
Why We Never Catch Our Own Tails
This is a loop so many of us get caught in. Not only are we chasing our tails, but we’re twisting ourselves into exhaustion, possibly even burning out our nervous systems in the process. The real reason this happens? We don’t give ourselves the time or space to fully experience the now. So instead, we keep searching for future “nows,” hoping one of them will finally feel different.
Speed Isn’t the Answer — Stillness Is
But here’s the irony — going faster doesn’t make anything better. In fact, slowing down, dramatically slowing down, is what actually gives you access to something deeper.
The silence and the moments of stillness — these are where your authentic self speaks to you. When you take your foot off the accelerator, you start seeing more things along the way and you get to discover a landscape you had no idea was there.
Having flown as a medevac helicopter pilot for nearly ten years, while on final approach to a highway or some non-airport environment, it was only in going slow, while deliberately and methodically descending into the landing zone, that we could fully absorb our surroundings, and safely put the helicopter onto the ground.
Think about traveling down a residential road at 120 miles per hour versus a gentle walk around the block. You’re surely not going to catch your neighbor playing catch with his five year old son — and the boy’s priceless look when he catches the ball! Your mind can only process so much information at once, so if you’re always focused on the next thing, and your afterburners are on, everything — just — looks — like — a — blurrrrr.
The Illusion of Progress
Flying jets across the world, I’ve seen more sunrises from 45,000 feet than I can count. I’ve left behind countries, relationships, and entire lives at a moment’s notice. But the one thing I could never escape? Myself.
I remember a time in my life constantly shifting between projects, relationships, even cities. Each new beginning felt like a rush. I thought that this time, things would be different. But I couldn’t escape the same familiar energy, the same discomfort I was desperately trying to outrun.
It wasn’t until I forced myself to slow down and even stop — literally and figuratively — that I realized I had been running from myself the whole time.
What If Discomfort Isn’t the Enemy?
And this isn’t just a personal problem. This is cultural programming. We’re taught that movement equals progress. That stillness is wasted time. That discomfort is something to fix, not something to listen to.
But what if the discomfort isn’t the enemy? What if, instead of trying to push past it, we let it tell us what it needs to say?
The Breakthrough: Stopping to Listen
The irony of chasing your tail is that you never catch it — because it’s attached to you.
And just like that tail, the discomfort moves with you, because it’s coming from within. No matter where you go, no matter what new thing you throw yourself into, it stays right there.
So, instead of trying to escape, what if you just paused?
Next time you feel that urge to move on to something new, whether it’s checking your phone, starting a new project, or making drastic life changes, simply stop! Take three long deep breaths and ask yourself:
What feeling inside of me is making me feel uneasy or uncomfortable?
Just name it. No fixing, no analyzing — just notice it.
You may be surprised at what happens when you stop reacting and simply witness it. Will the discomfort completely fade away? Probably not — but it will likely lose some of its grip on you and eventually fade like a distant memory.
Pausing and and witnessing your emotions creates space between stimulus and response. This practice allows us to focus with intention as opposed to just reacting. It’s this level of awareness that we can discover something profound about our capacity to focus.
The Power of Focus
As a nature photographer, I have always admired the Bald Eagle. The irony is in order to get a pristine photo of the eagle, you have to mimic its behavior — and this is sitting patiently, in peace, until the perfect moment arises. It doesn’t rush. It doesn’t chase blindly. It waits, with discipline and determination. Then, with laser precision, it dives, with unwavering confidence, its talons skimming the water, and more times than not, it comes up with its prize. Intentional focus means holding steady until the perfect instant to act — and when it comes, the effort feels seamless.
The Hidden Power of Deliberate Pace
What I’ve discovered in my own journey is that slowing down doesn’t actually slow your progress — it transforms it. When you move deliberately and with intention, you begin to notice the spaces between things. Your higher self starts receiving information and putting pieces together that you might have otherwise ignored.
In those magical pauses, whether through meditation, walking, or just vegging, you allow your mind to start forging connections that were not apparent to you before. Imagine staring at the night sky and seeing amazing constellations as opposed to just individual specs of light. The stars were always there; you just couldn’t see the pattern until you slowed down and gave your mind the time it needed.
For quite a few years now, I have embraced a meditation practice that has given me more answers and a reprieve from the constant motion my mind had been so engulfed in. I remember having a very challenging technical problem with a company I was working with. After the meditation was over, the solution became crystal clear. The answer emerged from the stillness and from what many people call “the higher self”.
That pause — that sacred gap between thoughts — is where true insight lives. When you finally stop the endless chase, you may suddenly see your entire situation differently. Not because the situation has changed, but because you’ve changed how you’re looking at it.
The Finish Line Is Just an Illusion
So step out of the chase. Allow yourself to be rather than in constant motion.
Experience the “now” fully, rather than grasping at future “nows” that don’t exist yet. If you’re able to truly integrate this one shift, it can completely change the way you experience reality.
Because here’s the truth:
The present moment is all there ever is and it’s so much richer than you may imagine.
The finish line you’re racing toward? It will keep getting further away.
The peace you seek always feels just out of reach. But what if it was never lost — just overlooked? This practice will show you that peace has been here all along, in the stillness, in the space between your thoughts, in every breath you take.
Stop Running. Start Being.
Your tail will still be there. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize it was never the thing you needed to catch in the first place.
So, what about you? Ever found yourself racing from a feeling you couldn’t outrun — only to realize it’s part of you? I’d love to hear your story! Drop a comment below to keep the conversation going. Follow me for more on unraveling behavior, decoding the mind, and living authentically in a world that never slows down.
The Hidden Epidemic Right under our noses?
Why “Normal” Vitamin B12 Levels Could be Fooling You — And What to Do About it
Every person on this planet should read and truly digest this — because what you don’t know about your Vitamin B12 status might be silently harming your brain, energy levels, and long-term health.
Many of us have read about Vitamin B12 deficiency and how it can cause a whole host of problems including the nervous system, brain function, energy production, red blood cell formation, and DNA repair.
I’m going to cut right to the chase and then give you the details:
A “NORMAL” Vitamin B12 Blood test does not mean your cells are actually getting adequate Vitamin B12 — In fact they may be starving. Why?
Why a Standard Vitamin B12 may give you False Assurance
A standard Vitamin B12 tests the total Vitamin B12 in your blood, however, it does not distinguish between the active and inactive form — The active form is the form your body actually uses at the cellular level.
Here’s a simple analogy
It’s like being in a desert and having a large jug of water, but not being able to open the cap. The water is plentiful, but you cannot use it. So, someone calls you in the desert and asks “Do you have water”? You respond, sure! I just can’t open the damn bottle! It’s useless.
And that’s what happens when genetic mutations impair methylation, hindering the activation of Vitamin B12 and folate for cellular use.
So, people may have what appear to be normal levels of Vitamin B12 on their blood test, but these mutations reduce the body’s ability to convert folate and Vitamin B12 into their active forms, leaving cells starved despite normal blood levels. So on paper, they’re not technically deficient, but they are functionally deficient.
Why do some people have normal levels of Vitamin B12 levels in their blood but their cells cannot access it?
The MTHFR or MTR/MTRR Mutation is the culprit
It’s all about the genetics you inherited from your mother and father. A few things to know about these genes
- There’s more than just one specific gene
- You inherit one copy of each gene from each parent
- If you have one mutation — which means you got it from one parent but not the other — your ability to process B12 may be slightly reduced — This is known as heterozygous. If you have two mutations — which means you got it from both parents — your ability to methylate could be severely impaired — this affects about 10% of the nation.
- Being heterozygous for multiple variations of the MTHFR gene is also not optimal and can severely diminish your body’s ability to process Vitamin B12.
How do you Know if Your Body is Actually Using Vitamin B12 Properly?
- Methylmalonic Acid (MMA) Test — Very specific to B12 deficiency. If B12 is low, MMA rises because it can’t be converted into succinyl-CoA. If this level is high, it shows you’re not effectively converting B12 into its active form. This test detects early actual cellular level B12 deficiency.
- Homocysteine Test — This is an inflammation marker that builds up when the body can’t methylate properly due to low active B12 and low folate. It’s a better functional indicator than B12 alone.
- Holotranscobalamin (holoTC) Test — This measures the form of B12 that’s actually bioavailable and can be taken up by your cells. Many practitioners worldwide say this test is the gold standard because it is the most accurate early indicator of B12 status — The problem? It’s not routinely offered by major U.S. labs like Quest Diagnostics or LabCorp, often requiring specialized testing.
- MTHFR or MTR Genetic Mutations Test — This test will tell you if you have one or more of the genes that predispose you to this B12 methylation issue.
Experts agree that the combination of these tests will give a much clearer picture of how your body is processing Vitamin B12 and how much is available to your cells.
This Isn’t Just About Vitamin Absorption — It Affects Your Whole Body
If you have any of the MTHFR gene mutations that affect methylation, it could affect:
- Processing toxins
- Breaking down excess hormones (like estrogen)
- Neutralizing histamine
- Creating glutathione (the main antioxidant in your body)
- DNA Repair
- Neurotransmitter balance (dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine)
If methylation slows down because you have one of the mutations (30–40% of the country has it, but effects can vary from person to person)
- Toxins build up — Toxins like mercury may accumulate more easily, so some experts suggest limiting high-mercury fish as a precaution
- Glutathione drops — Your liver becomes less effective at detox
- Homocysteine rises — Increases inflammation and adds to cardiac risk
- Estrogen clearance may slow, potentially contributing to hormonal imbalances
- Mental health issues may surface — Anxiety, depression, brain fog, etc
What You Can Do If You Have These Genetic Mutations
- Consult with an Integrative or Functional Medicine Doctor — Don’t go at this alone
They may suggest some of the following:
- Choose an active-B complex vitamin
- Consider Glutathione and its precursors like NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine)
- Alpha lipoic acid
- Sulfur-rich foods
- Liposomal glutathione or S-Acetyl glutathione
Most importantly, consult with an MTHFR-literate doctor such as a Functional or Integrative Medicine doctor. They don’t just look at your lab values and call it a day — they look at how your body is functioning, especially at the genetic and cellular levels. They will also know precisely which tests to order and which supplements you should be taking based on the results of your tests and your symptoms (if any).
The older you get, the more these issues can affect you as your detoxification and methylation pathways become more critical.
You can use this tool to find a functional medicine doctor:
https://www.ifm.org/find-a-practitioner
Be well. Be informed. And remember — when it comes to your health, sometimes the truth is hiding in plain sight.
https://medium.com/health-science/the-hidden-epidemic-right-under-our-noses-13b823df26c8
Why Your Impatience Is Sabotaging Your Success
It took three days of sitting motionless on a freezing rock to capture this stunning eagle. What made this possible wasn’t just endurance but my willingness to accept reality exactly as it unfolded. I had to abandon preconceived notions about when and how the eagle would appear. Had my ego filtered out signals — the weather patterns, the eagle’s distant calls, the movement of other wildlife — I would have missed the shot entirely. Patience required me to process all information, not just what supported my desired timeline.
These are often tell-tale signs of impatience hidden in plain sight.
- Anger
- Control
- Frustration
- Idealism
- Irritation
According to Buddhism, patience is wholeheartedly accepting a situation for what it is. Anger, its opposite, is when we reject reality and demand it be something else.
Conventional wisdom says that at its core, impatience stems from a lack of control — and often hides a subtle form of anger, cloaked in a polite mask — but I think there’s a lot more to it.
Ponder this: Have you met someone who always seems to be impatient and angry that things are not going his or her way? Consider that you invest your time, energy, money, words, and other things into an outcome — that’s to say, you would like a certain outcome. You want your efforts to pay off and expect something because you believe you “put in adequate effort”.
When that outcome doesn’t happen, you may feel that you were slighted or treated unfairly. It’s like installing a security system to keep out burglars — only for a bear to walk right in. Or paying a 5-year-old to guard the perimeter and being shocked when chaos ensues. Sometime,s our expectations are not aligned with likely outcomes, yet our naivety may lead us astray.
How Do You Fix This?
First, just sit there and observe.
While I’m a big fan of living in the present, there’s value in briefly revisiting the past to examine our patterns.
Ask yourself:
- How often do I invest time and effort
- expect a certain outcome …
- And end up completely let down?
If that cycle sounds familiar, here’s the follow-up:
Am I consistently overestimating the likelihood of the outcome I want?
Am I filtering feedback because it conflicts with what I hope to be true?
Do I feel blindsided, even though there were signs all along?
Here’s the truth: the ego often believes outcomes are guaranteed by effort or belief alone— but beliefs are not a down payment on destiny.
When reality doesn’t deliver, frustration and impatience set in — not because the result was unjust, but because our internal blueprint for how things should have gone was not honored.
Is this optimism, entitlement, or just the ego trying to assert its voice over things that it cannot control or command?
Some people call this a black cloud — others argue there are variables missed, situations not thought through adequately, or just too much left to chance.
Effort is in our hands; results often are not — It’s in this gap, between doing and receiving, where patience is either born or broken.
Addressing the Pattern of Self-Deception
We all deceive ourselves from time to time thinking that “oh, it will be okay”. No, certain times it won’t be. In fact, our ego often believes we deserve a pristine outcome “just because” and it ignores data, critical data, which points to an outcome that is not aligned with reality.
If you look closely, you’ll find that when people have strong beliefs about something, their brain purposely filters out information to the contrary so that the ego can continue identifying with that belief — the ego sees contrary information as a threat!
The Reticular Activating System (RAS): Your Brain’s Gatekeeper
That’s a pretty fancy word, but this is where the cold, hard truth reveals itself! The reticular activating system (RAS) is a part of the brain that is the gatekeeper and filters what it believes is “important”.
The problem?
The ego may hijack the RAS and prioritize information not based on what is objectively true but on what aligns with your existing beliefs, biases, and ego-driven sense of identity.
Put simply, your ego hijacks the RAS and filters out information which would provide truth, and instead only allows in information that will prevent the ego from being wrong.
Let’s break it down:
- The ego hijacks the part of your brain that filters reality.
- The ego does not want to be wounded and needs to cling to an image.
- It filters out truth to preserve identity.
- It deceives to avoid being wrong.
- It piles on distortion when the truth hurts.
It can be interrupted! It cannot be unasked!
The Ego doesn’t want clarity — it wants confirmation
And until we consciously step in, question our stories, welcome discomfort, and tolerate the vulnerability of not knowing — we stay trapped in illusions we call “truth.”
Circling Back to Patience
How does this relate to patience?
- You will receive feedback from the environment
- The feedback will help you determine whether the effort you put in aligns with a likely outcome
- If your ego has hijacked your RAS, then you may not be properly weighing the information you are receiving from your environment, and confirmation-bias may be kicking in.
Patience is tied to expectations.
When we set them wisely — without ego-filtered bias — we prepare ourselves for outcomes grounded in reality
What If The Ego Does More to Create Impatience?
The ego is also responsible for anxiety and much of fear in life. If you read one of my previous articles, I Tried to Outrun Peace, then Life Grounded Me , I wrote about how we are constantly trying to escape discomfort by rushing through an experience to move onto the next.
When we rush through something, whether it’s a conversation, a book, or even a life decision, we deprive our brain of the time it needs to fully process, integrate, and contextualize the bigger picture. As a result, the brain latches onto bits and pieces that it identifies, discarding critical information that paints a more realistic picture.
Final Thoughts
- The ego is very handy at filtering out information that helps paint the real picture of what’s happening in your environment and what you should expect. If a piece of information does not align with your world view or your conception of yourself, your ego will dismiss information to the contrary and build a facade or house of cards.
- Once you build this shaky foundation, you’ll find that most of your expectations will not be met, and you’ll be upset that things didn’t go the way your ego wanted them to go.
- You may attempt to play the victim card and seek sympathy from others or even yourself to raise dopamine levels in the brain to make up for the fact that things didn’t go the way you expected — or wanted — them to go.
- Your conscious will resist reality by way of “impatience” — not accepting your lack of control or outcome that didn’t align with your desires.
- This pattern will repeat over and over until you lean into the discomfort of reality not aligning with your ego and / or world view.
The power of choice is also the power of discernment. Use it wisely. Know the ego’s playbook so you can break the cycle and reclaim your peace.
https://medium.com/illumination/why-your-impatience-is-sabotaging-your-success-4efeeabb6a94
How Suffering Can Actually Be Your Doorway to Wisdom and Peace
As a teenage EMT during my college days, I vividly recall hearing the loud sound of my pager at 4AM waking me up from a dead sleep — responding to an automobile accident or someone having a heart attack. Barely awake, I’d grab my keys and drive as fast as I could to the Rescue Squad building, knowing full well that by the time I got back from the emergency, I’d have no time to sleep — not a good recipe for an engineering school student.
Those sleepless nights responding to emergencies taught me something incredibly profound about suffering that I’ve carried through my adult life: that our relationship with pain often matters more than the pain itself.
In this article, I’ll explore how the ego — that well-meaning but misguided protector — can turn necessary pain into unnecessary suffering. And how we can begin to reframe our difficulties not as punishments to endure, but as doorways to wisdom.
What if the very thing we resist… is actually our greatest teacher?
Far too often, we ask: “Why must we suffer?” Or even, “Why must we suffer for so long?”
Do we ever ask, “What lesson am I to learn from this?”. Or better yet, how many actually say, “Wow, this is great that I’m suffering!”. Crazy, huh? And through this article, I’m going to offer a different perspective that may shift your interpretation of suffering to more of a gift than a burden. Let’s reframe how we look at suffering through a few different lenses:
Perspective: It reminds us of how precious our human existence is and how we often forget how good most things really are — It’s like the Greek saying
“The man complained about his feet hurting until he saw someone with no legs”
Resolve and Faith: Having faith, in spite of suffering, builds an even stronger bond/connection with the divine. When you believe that your path will involve suffering, it then becomes your attitude and understanding of the interconnectedness of things that helps you integrate and understand the process of suffering and what lessons it has to teach us.
A better understanding of the Ego / Lower Self: The emotional and mental effects of suffering are exacerbated by the ego because it personalizes pain, resists surrender, and attaches meaning to suffering in a way that actually intensifies it. Let’s dive into this a bit more:
A bit more about the Ego and its Narratives:
The ego — it’s that persistent, uninvited guest in your mental space, whispering doubts, fears, and endless “what-ifs.” At its core, the ego evolved to protect us, keeping us safe in a complex world. But like an overzealous bodyguard, it doesn’t always know when to step back. Instead, it takes charge, often at the expense of peace, creativity, and authentic living.
Think of the ego as an overprotective friend who tries to help but ends up turning everything into a soap opera. Its intentions may be good, but its execution? Not so much. These may sound familiar — here are some of the ego’s greatest hits:
“I’m a victim and this always happens to me”
The ego/lower-self dives so deep into the suffering that it makes it part of its self-narrative. Instead of seeing pain as a passing experience, the ego proclaims, “I’m a victim” or “this always happens to me”, reinforcing suffering as an identity rather than an experience.
“Resisting Suffering”
The ego also tries to resist suffering as much as possible because it hates surrender. In fact, in trying to control what is uncontrollable, it leads to frustration and hence prolonged suffering. The more you resist reality, the more intense suffering becomes.
“Why Me”
The ego will compare your state of misery to your previous state OR to others’ and not-so-gently remind you “Why me and not them?” or “This isn’t fair”. It also judges whether the experience is good or bad — this makes it even more difficult to move on and move through the suffering.
“The Storyteller”
The ego gets a Pulitzer Prize for storytelling. “If I had only done things differently” or “I shouldn’t have to go through this by myself”. While seeking help or consolation is healthy, when it turns into calls for sympathy, it may actually help perpetuate the pain.
“I’m not going anywhere”
And here’s the kicker. When you finally get to the realization of the involvement of the ego in suffering, the ego starts to fear dissolving. It cannot imagine not existing — the ego panics for its survival by intensifying suffering rather than allowing itself to take a back seat and let the higher-self run the show.
“Suffering is the way the ego reminds you it exists”
The Hidden Gifts of Suffering
The irony? Suffering can be a doorway and path to freedom when it’s no longer seen through the eyes of the ego. When we start to dissolve the ego, suffering can then lead to wisdom, self-love, and inner peace.
Just as I learned during those sleepless nights as an EMT, suffering pushed me beyond my perceived limits. It taught me that what seemed unbearable in the moment actually created space for growth I couldn’t have imagined. The question isn’t whether we’ll suffer, but how we’ll respond when we do.
Ask yourself: What suffering am I experiencing right now that might actually be my doorway to greater wisdom? Perhaps the first step is simply recognizing when your ego has seized the narrative — because only then can you begin to gently loosen its grip. Perhaps if we change the way we look at suffering and ask ourselves, “What lesson is this suffering trying to teach me?”, we might begin to see suffering more as a gift rather than a burden.
Looking back in History
Another useful practice I find is to write down the last 2–3 times I have suffered in the past and recall:
- How it finally resolved
- What lessons I learned
- Was my reaction to it healthy
If you don’t keep a journal, this retrospective processing can be powerful in seeing how things played out against your greatest fears.
Suffering does not have to be a punishment
It can be more of an invitation.
It is a catalyst to help us grow and surrender so that we can see beyond what the ego wants or allows us to see. Shift the question from “Why am I suffering” to “What is this trying to teach me”, thus allowing suffering to be a teacher and guide rather than a punishment, guiding us towards resilience, wisdom, and a far deeper connection to the divine.
Just as I eventually came to see those 4AM emergency calls as more than just sleep deprivation — but rather as profound moments of human connection and growth — our suffering often reveals its purpose only in retrospect. So the next time you find yourself in a trench of suffering, pause.
Instead of resisting, take a breath, and ask —
What if this is a doorway to something greater?
Step through.
You might just be surprised by what you find.
If you enjoyed this insight, consider following me on Medium for more stories on personal growth
Letting Go
God, give me the strength
to understand the paths
of others — their light
and their darkness,
the subtleties we might otherwise miss.
Give me the power
to accept and forgive,
for so often
they do not know what they do.
Grant me insight to look beyond
and allow healing —
for myself and for others —
in a world where cold seems to reign.
Give me the freedom
to explore and to fathom
the unreachable depths of my heart,
and my mind —
leading to an understanding
that no longer requires any questions.
Complete my soul.
Bury my doubts,
so I may once again
share that love
with someone.
Don’t EVER Do This In An Argument
What the Most Influential People Know About Heated Conversations
The most influential people are not the loudest — but the ones who speak only when necessary.
When we cannot be silent, we are dominated by our ego and enslaved by the need to be heard — this is far from power.
So what’s the one thing you should never do in an argument?
Keep Talking
Most people talk too much in conflict and think that raising their voice shows power when all they’re really doing is exposing their weakness.
Every extra word you say is a clue about what you’re thinking and feeling.
In an argument, silence isn’t a weakness — it’s a powerful weapon.
If you say nothing, not a single word, the other person’s mind enters a chaotic state. They may think to themselves:
- Why isn’t he responding?
- Did I affect him?
- Or does he just not care at all?
When you remain silent, you hold something very powerful and valuable. You hold the cards. You observe, and when you give nothing, the other person becomes desperate. They begin to project because humans cannot stand uncertainty.
In an argument, people often say things to elicit a reaction from you.
- Every reaction reveals your weakness.
- Every explanation shows the blow has affected you.
- Every defense says, “You got to me”.
But when you:
- Learn to stay silent
- Wait without needing to strike
- Learn to measure each word that leaves your mouth
The world listens … because scarcity makes things valuable.
Power isn’t proven by how much you say — it’s preserved by what you don’t.
With Love, Clarity, and Compassion
— Paul
https://medium.com/illumination/dont-ever-do-this-in-an-argument-4203dd53496e
Your World Falling Apart? Good. You’re Finally Becoming Who You Are.
“Why the hell am I going through this right now”
“Life Sucks”
Imagine this life as boot camp — A place to learn valuable lessons. Forget about textbooks and theory, you’re going to get the raw unadulterated as-real-as-it-gets version of spiritual growth until your final breath.
Your journey in this life is not about fame or roses thrown at your feet — Whether you see life as a spiritual journey, a personal challenge, or something else entirely, it’s a place to grow through what you face. This is a training ground where you will have boots on the ground, arms in the air, and tears and sweat dripping down. You’ll lose loved ones, possibly your possessions and even your health,
but you will always have a choice: will you lose your faith?
How many times have you tried to escape where you’re at or what you’re feeling? That gnawing, painful, raw feeling that seems to echo through your bones.
Did you ever consider, “What lesson am I trying to learn”?
In keeping with the mindset:
You are EXACTLY where you need to be right now
Stop Resisting and Start Receiving
In the trenches, no one wants to hear spiritual fluff, but that’s the exact time you have to ground yourself and understand that every interaction on this earth, every person you meet, every cloud that passes over you is no accident. There is an ingenious orchestration that is so far beyond what your mind can comprehend.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” — Dr. Wayne Dyer
Rather than wallow in your own sadness that the promotion didn’t come through, or that a relationship ended, remember that you are EXACTLY where you need to be right now. The time you spend resisting is the time you could be spending curating, cultivating, understanding, accepting, growing, and feeling.
Put the left brain and ego aside — its purpose is to navigate the physical world — but it likes to think otherwise.
Think of it this way: if we keep repeating the same mistakes, life will keep repeating the same lessons — and that’s no accident. Once we truly learn the lesson, a new one takes its place. This cycle continues for as long as we’re in the physical body.
The Left Brain Can’t Lead You to God
Dr Jill Bolte Taylor stated that, over time, the left brain subjugated the right brain to more of a subconscious role. More-so, Dr Taylor, a famous neuroanatomist who experienced a stroke in her left brain reveals that:
The left hemisphere is responsible for linear thinking, language, analysis, categorization, and most notably, the ego and sense of identity. It’s where your inner critic lives, and it’s obsessed with past/future, comparison, and control.
The right hemisphere is more about present-moment awareness, connection, intuition, spiritual experience, creativity, and empathy. It’s the part that perceives wholeness and unity.
In her later work, Dr. Taylor discusses how — over time — the left hemisphere became dominant in modern human society, to the point of suppressing or marginalizing the more holistic, present-moment, emotionally resonant nature of the right brain. This wasn’t a biological feat, but more a cultural and evolutionary drift toward prioritizing certain cognitive functions that aided in survival, productivity, and civilization-building.
Turn Pain into a Lesson and Portal
A recent moment with a close friend hurt deeply. But when I stepped back, I realized: it needed to happen. Beneath the discomfort was a deeper unfolding — for both of us. Pain often wears the disguise of heartbreak and anxiety — it’s not the enemy, it’s the doorway to something new. Suffering isn’t a stigma — It’s a signal.
As I shared in a previous article How Suffering Can Actually Be Your Doorway To Wisdom and Peace, we often mistake suffering as a punishment rather than a lesson and means for growth.
Life is how we frame the experience, not how others or we judge it.
It’s all about Intent
Finally, your soul grows from intent and not from outcome.
The thoughts and decisions you make create a frequency your soul resonates with — one that lingers long after the moment has passed, leaving behind an energetic footprint, or what some may call karma.
When we make a thought, no matter what the action is masqueraded in, the energy of that thought will play out and affect your entire spirit body and pave a road and path moving forward.
We are Not Accidents
We are here to learn lessons and our time on this earth is no accident.
Every challenge on this earth is meant to teach us a lesson — There is something in you that only this earth can reveal
So WHY are YOU Here?
The next time you ask yourself why you’re going through something, think of this:
- What lesson am I learning from this?
- What did/didn’t I do that created this situation
- Reframe it as a place of love and not punishment
- Understand that your human existence happened for a reason — because there is something only you can bring to light in this world.
Our creator wants us to grow not only in our love of others, but in our love of ourselves. Understanding that will help us to be keenly aware of the “why” and help us to get back on our path.
Take a moment — breathe.
What might life be trying to show you through this moment, not despite it?
In love, clarity, and contemplation,
Paul — Divine Light Path
Is It Me or My Ego? A Guide to Recognition and Release
This is the ego: beautifully fractured, chained to perception, fed by approval, terrified of silence — Image by Author / Midjourney
Ever wonder why your mind spins with doubts just when you’re ready to shine? That’s your ego, spinning dreams into dramas. I learned that the hard way when it nearly cost me my career — until I turned the tables.
The ego — it’s that persistent, party crasher in your mental space, whispering doubts, fears, and endless “what-ifs”.
What if you knew, right away, if doubt, fear, or other unwanted emotions were coming from the ego?
What if you realized that the ego practically always sabotages your success and peace?
I’m going to provide some pretty telling examples that will help you decipher if the ego is the culprit.
A Little Story about the Ego
The ego evolved to protect us and keep us safe in a complex world. But like an overzealous bodyguard, it doesn’t always know when to step back.
Instead, it takes charge, often at the expense of peace, creativity, and authentic living.
Think of the ego as an overprotective friend who tries to help but ends up turning everything into a soap opera.
Its intentions may be good, but its execution? Not so much.
This article invites you to laugh, reflect, and rethink your relationship with this noisy, well-meaning saboteur. By eavesdropping on its antics, we’ll learn to spot its patterns, thank it for its service, and then lovingly tell it to take a seat.
The Anxious Protector: Always On Guard
Dialogue:
Ego: “Hey, just checking — did you notice Sarah didn’t like your post? That probably means she’s mad at you.”
You: “Or it means she’s busy with her life. Do you ever take a day off?”
Ego: “I could take a day off, but who will remind you of all the things you could fail at?”
You: “Wow, you’re exhausting. Have you ever thought of therapy?”
Ego: “I am your therapy. You’re welcome.”
What’s Happening?
The anxious ego lives in a state of hyper-vigilance, convinced that every silence or delay is a crisis in disguise. While it aims to protect you, it often ends up creating stress where none exists.
The Self-Doubt Whisperer: Questioning Everything
Dialogue:
You: “I think I’m ready to try something new.”
Ego: “Adorable. But, uh, what if you’re terrible at it?”
You: “What if I’m not?”
Ego: “Optimism? Bold. But seriously, let’s prepare for when everyone realizes you’re a fraud.”
You: “Why do you assume I’ll fail?”
Ego: “Because if I assume success and you fail, I’ll look bad. I mean, we’ll feel bad.”
What’s happening?
The ego thrives on protection disguised as pessimism. By lowering your expectations, it tries to shield you from failure, embarrassment, and public judgment. But in doing so, it keeps you small — blocking your authentic energy from fully expressing itself. Because to the ego, your greatness is the ultimate threat: it means surrendering control.
I remember a time I was laid off from a flying job. Rather than see it as failure, I chose to view it as an opportunity. That time pushed me to reinvent myself, learn to fly a Gulfstream G550, and ultimately get rehired by the very company that had let me go.
Practice Tool: The Evidence List
When doubt creeps in:
- List three past accomplishments that seemed impossible at first.
- Identify one skill you’ve improved recently.
- Remind yourself: Growth comes from trying, not perfecting.
The Competitive Ego: Always Comparing
Dialogue:
You: “I think I’m happy for Julie. She just got a promotion.”
Ego: “Happy? Sure. But isn’t that the same promotion you were passed over for last year?”
You: “So what? Good for her!”
Ego: “Good for her, sure. But doesn’t this mean she’s doing better than you? You should update your résumé. Maybe join LinkedIn again.”
What’s Happening?
The competitive ego views life as a race where someone else’s win equals your loss. It’s fueled by scarcity thinking, making it hard to celebrate others without questioning your own worth.
For years, I thought my value was measured by how I stacked up against others — their accomplishments, their status, their looks. But eventually, I realized: we each have our own path, our own timing, and our own definition of success.
Practice Tool: The Gratitude Shift
- Identify how someone else’s success might inspire or benefit you.
- List three things you’re grateful for in your own life.
- Focus on collaboration over competition.
The Perfectionist Ego: Never Good Enough
Dialogue:
You: “I think I did pretty well on that project.”
Ego: “Pretty well? You missed a comma in the third paragraph. Amateur move.”
You: “It’s just one comma. Nobody cares.”
Ego: “Oh, they care. They’re probably talking about it right now. ‘Can you believe they hired someone who doesn’t even know proper punctuation?’”
What’s Happening?
The perfectionist ego loves setting impossible standards. Its mantra? “You’re only as good as your flaws.” This can lead to overwork, burnout, and fear of starting anything new.
For years, I thought I was just being responsible. But looking back, I see how often my ego’s perfectionism cost me peace, delayed projects, and made me second-guess joy itself.
Practice Tool: The Progress, Not Perfection Rule
- Celebrate what you achieved, not what you missed.
- Set realistic goals that prioritize progress over flawlessness.
- Remember: A comma doesn’t define your worth.
The Paranoid Ego: Preparing for Disaster
Dialogue:
You: “I think things are going well lately.”
Ego: “That’s suspicious. Quiet times mean something terrible is brewing.”
You: “Or it means life is peaceful.”
Ego: “Impossible. Better start worrying now to soften the blow when it happens.”
What’s Happening?
The paranoid ego assumes that peace is a prelude to chaos. Its favorite hobby is catastrophizing, turning every calm into a potential storm.
I can remember countless times when I felt like I had to worry. As if something bad must be waiting around the corner. I’d mentally scan for what could go wrong instead of allowing myself to enjoy what was going right. Eventually, I realized that the universe creates more favorable outcomes when we align with a calmer, more open mindset — one rooted in trust, not tension.
Practice Tool: The Present Moment Anchor
- Focus on three things going well right now.
- Write down evidence that supports the idea of things being okay.
- Practice gratitude for the calm instead of fearing its end.
The Validation-Seeking Ego: Always Approval-Hungry
Dialogue:
You: “I’m happy with how that turned out.”
Ego: “Sure, but did anyone else say they liked it? Because if not, does it really count?”
You: “I don’t need external validation.”
Ego: “Ha! That’s cute. Validation is the currency of life. Go fish for some compliments before you get too comfortable.”
What’s Happening?
The validation-seeking ego ties your worth to others’ opinions. It’s endlessly searching for likes, compliments, and external approval to feel “enough.”
I eventually learned to start doing things not for applause, but because they felt true. Letting go of outcomes — and trusting that inner voice — led to far better results. No more chasing validation. Not even caring if anyone was watching. Just doing, because it felt aligned… because it needed to be done.
Practice Tool: The Inner Validation Ritual
- Before seeking feedback, write down what you like about your work.
- Reflect on what feels authentic and true to you.
- Practice appreciating your efforts regardless of others’ opinions.
Moving Beyond the Ego: Integration, Not Elimination
The goal isn’t to silence the ego but to work with it compassionately.
Think of your ego as a misguided intern — it’s trying its best but needs better guidance.
Daily Practice for Ego Awareness:
- Morning Check-In: Ask, “What story is my ego telling me today?”
- Mindful Interruptions: Set reminders to pause and observe your thoughts.
- Evening Reflection: Note one instance where you noticed the ego and responded differently.
By building a practice of awareness and curiosity, you’ll develop a healthier relationship with your ego, turning it from a constant critic into a cautious advisor.
What Contemporary Psychology Says
In the book “Ego is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday, he argues:
The ego leads more often to failure than success. When our ego is in control, we tend to overestimate our abilities while underestimating challenges, which prevents us from connecting with others effectively and can lead to destructive behaviors that derail careers and lives.
Want to Tame the Ego?
Try remaining quiet in conversations rather than rushing to share your opinions or experiences. This creates space for learning from others.
Reduce the need to announce accomplishments or share thoughts online before they’re fully formed is also very helpful.
Meditation is very powerful in silencing the mind and hence the ego.
Seek nature.
Maintain your student mindset — learning from others throughout your life.
Conclusion: Your Ego, Your Ally
Your ego isn’t your enemy — it’s a part of you, shaped by experiences, fears, and desires. Its intention is to protect you, but its methods often need an upgrade. By recognizing its patterns, embracing its quirks, and responding with mindfulness, you can transform it from a hindrance into a tool for growth.
You don’t have to eliminate the ego— Just understand and redefine your relationship with it.
The next time your ego pipes up with doubts, comparisons, or catastrophes, try thanking it for its input and then asking, “What would love do instead?” Through this balance of humor, reflection, and compassion, you’ll find a deeper connection to your higher self — and the peace and wisdom that come with it.
If any of these voices felt familiar, you’re not alone. Which ego voice sounds the most familiar? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Please feel free to follow me and sign up for email notifications when I post new articles.
Sending love, compassion, and patience in world that’s still learning to heal.
— Paul
https://medium.com/illumination/is-it-me-or-my-ego-a-guide-to-recognition-and-release-f4ecd57572f2
Introduction
Building a strong culture in a remote work environment may seem challenging, but it’s far from impossible. With intentional strategies and the right tools, you can create a workplace where your team feels connected, valued, and motivated—even from miles apart.
Benefits of Remote Work
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Remote work offers employees greater flexibility in managing their work-life balance. It reduces commute time and allows for a more comfortable and personalized work environment.
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Challenges of Remote Work
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Remote work can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection. It may require additional effort to maintain clear communication and collaboration among team members.
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Best Practices for Remote Communication
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- Eu turpis posuere semper feugiat volutpat elit, ultrices suspendisse. Auctor vel in vitae placerat.
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