I tried to fix myself with a thousand books. Turns out, I just needed a pen. Photo by the Author / Midjourney

You’ve tried the books. The routines. The advice.

And maybe some of it helped — briefly. But lasting change? Still out of reach.

What if the reason self-help doesn’t stick isn’t that it’s too hard… but that it’s too fast?

What if we miss the answer because it’s so simple, our ego refuses to believe it could work?

Why do we get a dopamine rush when we read something and think:

THIS Is the answer to all my problems

And it is — until it isn’t. Which, let’s be honest, is about 99% of the time.

Sure, you may glean one valuable thing from a book or article, if you’re lucky, but does it stick? Does it STAY with you and become part of your behavior?

In a previous article, I Tried to Outrun Peace and then Life Grounded Me, I discussed the idea that instead of facing discomfort or enjoying the moment, we are constantly looking for novelty and changing our environment in an effort to get that temporary pleasure, the dopamine rush.

How do we make something stick? Tony Robbins Stated

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”

While this quote and mindset makes sense, how often do we go back and examine the pain and pleasure of a situation?

Do we think retrospectively?

Do we take the time?

Do we live in the present?

How to Really Make Things Stick

Over the past year, I had to find two things — yes two things that would jumpstart my desire to change many things in my life. Here they are:

Stop Thinking Speed and Efficiency is Always Your Friend

What? How dare I say that!? You mean typing 120 wpm on the keyboard and finishing my to-do list in world-record pace is not helping me? Maybe — but maybe not

I type fast. VERY fast. But while it allows me to put words on the page, it doesn’t necessarily allow me to absorb what I’m thinking. It leaves a void in contemplation and absorption.

So, what is the solution? I have several notebooks and I hand write, very slowly, my to-do lists.

Handwriting, slowly, also allows other things to come to your mind as you take more time to be present rather than racing to the next word. Your brain spends more time making connections in the present words rather than racing to words of tomorrow.

Keep a List of Important Ideas about Yourself and Your Journey for Daily Invocation

This has changed my life. I really mean that. Every morning and evening I have hand-written pages — an intimate list of things about myself that I like, things I want to change — and how to change them.

I remind myself of truths that need to be repeated — daily. I could swear that every day I read the list, I look at it differently.

This slow and steady rhythm is the kind of change your body, mind, and nervous system can truly absorb. This is how real change occurs

I’m going to share some things that I read from my daily list — items I hold close to me and I’m not ashamed to reveal

1. When fear magnifies risk, it is not forecasting — it is remembering. I stand anyway!
2. Mistakes do not threaten my existence. They are the tremors of an old prison collapsing
3. Slow, steady, and deliberate yields far better results.

You’re Often One Thought or Action Away From Greatness Without Even Realizing it.

I can guarantee and promise you that you have been so much closer to greatness — the kind that really allows you to be on your path — than you can possibly fathom. The difference between alignment and veering off course can be so subtle.

And making subtle changes can be the impetus for significant change and alignment.

It can be a single action or inaction.

It’s so easy to sabotage ourselves or miss something potentially great.

Why slowing down, writing things down, and reading them two times a day works?

Your higher self speaks to you. At its own pace.

Over time, when you start writing things in a notebook, you’ll start seeing patterns. Handwriting has an energy that typing does not. It’s simply a different form of transferring your thoughts to a medium.

Give it a shot.

Order a notebook.

Order a pen you like (the Sharpie S-Gel is by far my favorite).

Real change isn’t loud or instant — it’s quiet, handwritten, and steady. Start with a pen. End with a life transformed.

With love, compassion, and the light that guides us all –

— Paul

https://medium.com/illumination/why-self-help-advice-often-fails-and-what-actually-works-to-change-your-life-0664c79c83a8