Tag: Spirituality

How Suffering Can Actually Be Your Doorway to Wisdom and Peace

As a teenage EMT during my college days, I vividly recall hearing the loud sound of my pager at 4AM waking me up from a dead sleep — responding to an automobile accident or someone having a heart attack. Barely awake, I’d grab my keys and drive as fast as I could to the Rescue Squad building, knowing full well that by the time I got back from the emergency, I’d have no time to sleep — not a good recipe for an engineering school student.

Me as a volunteer EMT in my college days
One of the earliest places I met suffering face-to-face. Photo of the author, taken by a fellow EMT.

Those sleepless nights responding to emergencies taught me something incredibly profound about suffering that I’ve carried through my adult life: that our relationship with pain often matters more than the pain itself.

In this article, I’ll explore how the ego — that well-meaning but misguided protector — can turn necessary pain into unnecessary suffering. And how we can begin to reframe our difficulties not as punishments to endure, but as doorways to wisdom.

What if the very thing we resist… is actually our greatest teacher?

Far too often, we ask: “Why must we suffer?” Or even, “Why must we suffer for so long?”

Do we ever ask, “What lesson am I to learn from this?”. Or better yet, how many actually say, “Wow, this is great that I’m suffering!”. Crazy, huh? And through this article, I’m going to offer a different perspective that may shift your interpretation of suffering to more of a gift than a burden. Let’s reframe how we look at suffering through a few different lenses:

Perspective: It reminds us of how precious our human existence is and how we often forget how good most things really are — It’s like the Greek saying

“The man complained about his feet hurting until he saw someone with no legs”

Resolve and Faith: Having faith, in spite of suffering, builds an even stronger bond/connection with the divine. When you believe that your path will involve suffering, it then becomes your attitude and understanding of the interconnectedness of things that helps you integrate and understand the process of suffering and what lessons it has to teach us.

A better understanding of the Ego / Lower Self: The emotional and mental effects of suffering are exacerbated by the ego because it personalizes pain, resists surrender, and attaches meaning to suffering in a way that actually intensifies it. Let’s dive into this a bit more:

A bit more about the Ego and its Narratives:

The ego — it’s that persistent, uninvited guest in your mental space, whispering doubts, fears, and endless “what-ifs.” At its core, the ego evolved to protect us, keeping us safe in a complex world. But like an overzealous bodyguard, it doesn’t always know when to step back. Instead, it takes charge, often at the expense of peace, creativity, and authentic living.

Think of the ego as an overprotective friend who tries to help but ends up turning everything into a soap opera. Its intentions may be good, but its execution? Not so much. These may sound familiar — here are some of the ego’s greatest hits:

“I’m a victim and this always happens to me”
The ego/lower-self dives so deep into the suffering that it makes it part of its self-narrative. Instead of seeing pain as a passing experience, the ego proclaims, “I’m a victim” or “this always happens to me”, reinforcing suffering as an identity rather than an experience.

“Resisting Suffering”
The ego also tries to resist suffering as much as possible because it hates surrender. In fact, in trying to control what is uncontrollable, it leads to frustration and hence prolonged suffering. The more you resist reality, the more intense suffering becomes.

“Why Me”
The ego will compare your state of misery to your previous state OR to others’ and not-so-gently remind you “Why me and not them?” or “This isn’t fair”. It also judges whether the experience is good or bad — this makes it even more difficult to move on and move through the suffering.

“The Storyteller”
The ego gets a Pulitzer Prize for storytelling. “If I had only done things differently” or “I shouldn’t have to go through this by myself”. While seeking help or consolation is healthy, when it turns into calls for sympathy, it may actually help perpetuate the pain.

“I’m not going anywhere”
And here’s the kicker. When you finally get to the realization of the involvement of the ego in suffering, the ego starts to fear dissolving. It cannot imagine not existing — the ego panics for its survival by intensifying suffering rather than allowing itself to take a back seat and let the higher-self run the show.

“Suffering is the way the ego reminds you it exists”

The Hidden Gifts of Suffering

The irony? Suffering can be a doorway and path to freedom when it’s no longer seen through the eyes of the ego. When we start to dissolve the ego, suffering can then lead to wisdom, self-love, and inner peace.

Just as I learned during those sleepless nights as an EMT, suffering pushed me beyond my perceived limits. It taught me that what seemed unbearable in the moment actually created space for growth I couldn’t have imagined. The question isn’t whether we’ll suffer, but how we’ll respond when we do.

Ask yourself: What suffering am I experiencing right now that might actually be my doorway to greater wisdom? Perhaps the first step is simply recognizing when your ego has seized the narrative — because only then can you begin to gently loosen its grip. Perhaps if we change the way we look at suffering and ask ourselves, “What lesson is this suffering trying to teach me?”, we might begin to see suffering more as a gift rather than a burden.

Looking back in History

Another useful practice I find is to write down the last 2–3 times I have suffered in the past and recall:

  1. How it finally resolved
  2. What lessons I learned
  3. Was my reaction to it healthy

If you don’t keep a journal, this retrospective processing can be powerful in seeing how things played out against your greatest fears.

Suffering does not have to be a punishment

It can be more of an invitation.

It is a catalyst to help us grow and surrender so that we can see beyond what the ego wants or allows us to see. Shift the question from “Why am I suffering” to “What is this trying to teach me”, thus allowing suffering to be a teacher and guide rather than a punishment, guiding us towards resilience, wisdom, and a far deeper connection to the divine.

Photo by Phạm Chung 🇻🇳 on Unsplash

Just as I eventually came to see those 4AM emergency calls as more than just sleep deprivation — but rather as profound moments of human connection and growth — our suffering often reveals its purpose only in retrospect. So the next time you find yourself in a trench of suffering, pause.

Instead of resisting, take a breath, and ask —

What if this is a doorway to something greater?

Step through.

You might just be surprised by what you find.

If you enjoyed this insight, consider following me on Medium for more stories on personal growth

https://medium.com/illumination/how-suffering-can-actually-be-your-doorway-to-wisdom-and-peace-e12fdbf7b4c5

I tried to fix myself with a thousand books. Turns out, I just needed a pen. Photo by the Author / Midjourney

Why Most Self-Help Advice Often Fails — And What Actually Works to Change Your Life

I tried to fix myself with a thousand books. Turns out, I just needed a pen. Photo by the Author / Midjourney

You’ve tried the books. The routines. The advice.

And maybe some of it helped — briefly. But lasting change? Still out of reach.

What if the reason self-help doesn’t stick isn’t that it’s too hard… but that it’s too fast?

What if we miss the answer because it’s so simple, our ego refuses to believe it could work?

Why do we get a dopamine rush when we read something and think:

THIS Is the answer to all my problems

And it is — until it isn’t. Which, let’s be honest, is about 99% of the time.

Sure, you may glean one valuable thing from a book or article, if you’re lucky, but does it stick? Does it STAY with you and become part of your behavior?

In a previous article, I Tried to Outrun Peace and then Life Grounded Me, I discussed the idea that instead of facing discomfort or enjoying the moment, we are constantly looking for novelty and changing our environment in an effort to get that temporary pleasure, the dopamine rush.

How do we make something stick? Tony Robbins Stated

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”

While this quote and mindset makes sense, how often do we go back and examine the pain and pleasure of a situation?

Do we think retrospectively?

Do we take the time?

Do we live in the present?

How to Really Make Things Stick

Over the past year, I had to find two things — yes two things that would jumpstart my desire to change many things in my life. Here they are:

Stop Thinking Speed and Efficiency is Always Your Friend

What? How dare I say that!? You mean typing 120 wpm on the keyboard and finishing my to-do list in world-record pace is not helping me? Maybe — but maybe not

I type fast. VERY fast. But while it allows me to put words on the page, it doesn’t necessarily allow me to absorb what I’m thinking. It leaves a void in contemplation and absorption.

So, what is the solution? I have several notebooks and I hand write, very slowly, my to-do lists.

Handwriting, slowly, also allows other things to come to your mind as you take more time to be present rather than racing to the next word. Your brain spends more time making connections in the present words rather than racing to words of tomorrow.

Keep a List of Important Ideas about Yourself and Your Journey for Daily Invocation

This has changed my life. I really mean that. Every morning and evening I have hand-written pages — an intimate list of things about myself that I like, things I want to change — and how to change them.

I remind myself of truths that need to be repeated — daily. I could swear that every day I read the list, I look at it differently.

This slow and steady rhythm is the kind of change your body, mind, and nervous system can truly absorb. This is how real change occurs

I’m going to share some things that I read from my daily list — items I hold close to me and I’m not ashamed to reveal

  1. When fear magnifies risk, it is not forecasting — it is remembering. I stand anyway!
  2. Mistakes do not threaten my existence. They are the tremors of an old prison collapsing
  3. Slow, steady, and deliberate yields far better results.

You’re Often One Thought or Action Away From Greatness Without Even Realizing it.

I can guarantee and promise you that you have been so much closer to greatness — the kind that really allows you to be on your path — than you can possibly fathom. The difference between alignment and veering off course can be so subtle.

And making subtle changes can be the impetus for significant change and alignment.

It can be a single action or inaction.

It’s so easy to sabotage ourselves or miss something potentially great.

Why slowing down, writing things down, and reading them two times a day works?

Your higher self speaks to you. At its own pace.

Over time, when you start writing things in a notebook, you’ll start seeing patterns. Handwriting has an energy that typing does not. It’s simply a different form of transferring your thoughts to a medium.

Give it a shot.

Order a notebook.

Order a pen you like (the Sharpie S-Gel is by far my favorite).

Real change isn’t loud or instant — it’s quiet, handwritten, and steady. Start with a pen. End with a life transformed.

With love, compassion, and the light that guides us all –

— Paul

https://medium.com/illumination/why-self-help-advice-often-fails-and-what-actually-works-to-change-your-life-0664c79c83a8

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