It took three days of sitting motionless on a freezing rock to capture this stunning eagle. What made this possible wasn’t just endurance but my willingness to accept reality exactly as it unfolded. I had to abandon preconceived notions about when and how the eagle would appear. Had my ego filtered out signals — the weather patterns, the eagle’s distant calls, the movement of other wildlife — I would have missed the shot entirely. Patience required me to process all information, not just what supported my desired timeline.

These are often tell-tale signs of impatience hidden in plain sight.

• Anger
• Control
• Frustration
• Idealism
• Irritation

According to Buddhism, patience is wholeheartedly accepting a situation for what it is. Anger, its opposite, is when we reject reality and demand it be something else.

Conventional wisdom says that at its core, impatience stems from a lack of control — and often hides a subtle form of anger, cloaked in a polite mask — but I think there’s a lot more to it.

Ponder this: Have you met someone who always seems to be impatient and angry that things are not going his or her way? Consider that you invest your time, energy, money, words, and other things into an outcome — that’s to say, you would like a certain outcome. You want your efforts to pay off and expect something because you believe you “put in adequate effort”.

When that outcome doesn’t happen, you may feel that you were slighted or treated unfairly. It’s like installing a security system to keep out burglars — only for a bear to walk right in. Or paying a 5-year-old to guard the perimeter and being shocked when chaos ensues. Sometime,s our expectations are not aligned with likely outcomes, yet our naivety may lead us astray.

How Do You Fix This?

First, just sit there and observe.

While I’m a big fan of living in the present, there’s value in briefly revisiting the past to examine our patterns.

Ask yourself:

• How often do I invest time and effort
• expect a certain outcome …
• And end up completely let down?

If that cycle sounds familiar, here’s the follow-up:

Am I consistently overestimating the likelihood of the outcome I want?

Am I filtering feedback because it conflicts with what I hope to be true?

Do I feel blindsided, even though there were signs all along?

Here’s the truth: the ego often believes outcomes are guaranteed by effort or belief alone— but beliefs are not a down payment on destiny.

When reality doesn’t deliver, frustration and impatience set in — not because the result was unjust, but because our internal blueprint for how things should have gone was not honored.

Is this optimism, entitlement, or just the ego trying to assert its voice over things that it cannot control or command?

Some people call this a black cloud — others argue there are variables missed, situations not thought through adequately, or just too much left to chance.

Effort is in our hands; results often are not — It’s in this gap, between doing and receiving, where patience is either born or broken.

Addressing the Pattern of Self-Deception

We all deceive ourselves from time to time thinking that “oh, it will be okay”. No, certain times it won’t be. In fact, our ego often believes we deserve a pristine outcome “just because” and it ignores data, critical data, which points to an outcome that is not aligned with reality.

If you look closely, you’ll find that when people have strong beliefs about something, their brain purposely filters out information to the contrary so that the ego can continue identifying with that belief — the ego sees contrary information as a threat!

The Reticular Activating System (RAS): Your Brain’s Gatekeeper

That’s a pretty fancy word, but this is where the cold, hard truth reveals itself! The reticular activating system (RAS) is a part of the brain that is the gatekeeper and filters what it believes is “important”.

The problem?

The ego may hijack the RAS and prioritize information not based on what is objectively true but on what aligns with your existing beliefs, biases, and ego-driven sense of identity.

Put simply, your ego hijacks the RAS and filters out information which would provide truth, and instead only allows in information that will prevent the ego from being wrong.

Let’s break it down:

1. The ego hijacks the part of your brain that filters reality.
2. The ego does not want to be wounded and needs to cling to an image.
3. It filters out truth to preserve identity.
4. It deceives to avoid being wrong.
5. It piles on distortion when the truth hurts.

It can be interrupted! It cannot be unasked!

The Ego doesn’t want clarity — it wants confirmation

And until we consciously step in, question our stories, welcome discomfort, and tolerate the vulnerability of not knowing — we stay trapped in illusions we call “truth.”

Circling Back to Patience

How does this relate to patience?

1. You will receive feedback from the environment
2. The feedback will help you determine whether the effort you put in aligns with a likely outcome
3. If your ego has hijacked your RAS, then you may not be properly weighing the information you are receiving from your environment, and confirmation-bias may be kicking in.

Patience is tied to expectations.

When we set them wisely — without ego-filtered bias — we prepare ourselves for outcomes grounded in reality

What If The Ego Does More to Create Impatience?

The ego is also responsible for anxiety and much of fear in life. If you read one of my previous articles, I Tried to Outrun Peace, then Life Grounded Me , I wrote about how we are constantly trying to escape discomfort by rushing through an experience to move onto the next.

When we rush through something, whether it’s a conversation, a book, or even a life decision, we deprive our brain of the time it needs to fully process, integrate, and contextualize the bigger picture. As a result, the brain latches onto bits and pieces that it identifies, discarding critical information that paints a more realistic picture.

Final Thoughts

1. The ego is very handy at filtering out information that helps paint the real picture of what’s happening in your environment and what you should expect. If a piece of information does not align with your world view or your conception of yourself, your ego will dismiss information to the contrary and build a facade or house of cards.
2. Once you build this shaky foundation, you’ll find that most of your expectations will not be met, and you’ll be upset that things didn’t go the way your ego wanted them to go.
3. You may attempt to play the victim card and seek sympathy from others or even yourself to raise dopamine levels in the brain to make up for the fact that things didn’t go the way you expected — or wanted — them to go.
4. Your conscious will resist reality by way of “impatience” — not accepting your lack of control or outcome that didn’t align with your desires.
5. This pattern will repeat over and over until you lean into the discomfort of reality not aligning with your ego and / or world view.

The power of choice is also the power of discernment. Use it wisely. Know the ego’s playbook so you can break the cycle and reclaim your peace.

https://medium.com/illumination/why-your-impatience-is-sabotaging-your-success-4efeeabb6a94